am:
working a lot. working a 12 hour shift starting in 7 hours and 21 minutes; the last of a 7 day stretch of for me. being crazy due to hormone changes and general crazy brain. wondering, worrying, stressing, obsessing. thinking about making changes. loving. eating ice cream at 12.30 at night after eating ramen noodles at 11.30 at night. looking forward to my Tuesday off. doing the occasional logic or crossword puzzle. watching WE’s “Amsale Girls.” being okay, mostly.

am not:
running/working out – due to aforementioned “working a lot.” being sane. emailing people I need to email. relaxing. not making changes due to being bad at making changes. showing my love. eating healthily. not looking forward to another 12-hour day on Wednesday. reading. watching the CNN special on Nepal’s lost children that I asked K to record for me. being okay, sometimes.

My internet presence hasn’t been felt much as of late, because I’m tired and I’m tired of being tired. That, and I’m busy dealing with my own personal daily traumas and dramas, real and imagined.That, and I don’t lately feel like I have anything important to say. I have drafts, sure, but after a certain point they feel irrelevant. I want to stop teetering and tottering between “am” and “am not” and want to make sure all the “ams” are those of fair import and the “am nots” are, also.

I want to be okay; I am trying to be okay.

what I will and what I will not:
will:
get better.

will not:
get worse.