Hi. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? (A long while) (A long, long while) (Practically forever)

This is a New Year’s Eve post: saying goodbye (and good riddance, a bit) to 2013. Saying “Hello! How are you? Let’s be friends!” to 2014.

2013 didn’t have many changes for me, but the changes that came were rather big.

My grandma, my Babci, my last living grandparent, and the one I was closest to, succumbed to lung cancer and passed away on November 4th, at a little over 90 years of age. Evie and I went down to visit her when she entered hospice, and it was a very hard time for me. The Babci I saw in hospice was not the Babci I’d known for all my years. Though she could be a tough, difficult woman to know and love, she was my Babci and I miss her terribly. There are still times when I think “oh, Babc would get a kick out of this!” I hope she’s still getting a kick out of it, whatever is.

(Funny story, actually – I have a photo of Babci and my first horse, Ducky, and Evie likes to pick it up and hold it. One day I had her on the table and was putting her shoes on, and she was holding the photo. She pointed to something in the photo and said “Babc!” I stopped putting her shoes and and looked at what she was pointing at, and sure enough, it was Babci! I thought it was a coincidence but she did it again shortly after that. Okay, maybe it’s STILL a coincidence, but I’m gonna say it’s not.)

So the other big change, bigger than that big change, was that my fiance and I ended our relationship and I became a single mother. This was never my plan, and in fact, having grown up with a single mother, I did my best to actively prevent it, but the problems we had became insurmountable. I keep typing and deleting things that I want to say, things that need to be said and things that are perhaps best left unsaid, but I will leave all that for another day, or maybe never.

That is something I’ve struggled with in the past year: learning what needs to be said and when, and learning what needs to be UNsaid and left alone. Because much of the problems we dealt with stemmed from someone saying something that should have been left unsaid, it’s something I go back and forth on.

It’s a fine line, folks. A fine line, indeed.

But more importantly, I have the most amazing daughter in the whole world.
She walks.
She talks. (Mama, baa (sheep), woof, roar, door, bye, ball, hi, bear, boy, girl, water, flower, director (yeah, funny story there!), tree, star, bee, pup, car, truck, bus, pop, cat, ‘nyan’ (how she says meow?? I don’t even), wow, paper, more I’m likely forgetting… AND, she now says “I do!” when you ask her a “Who ___?” question!)
She balks (shakes her head no) (for everything) (even questions like “do you want a pony? do you want a million dollars?”)
She stalks (the cat).
I can’t think of any more rhymes, but just trust me on this: she’s amaaaaaaaaazing. And adorable. And absolutely wonderful in all ways.

All else aside, this little gal is the light of my life and I can’t wait to see what 2014 brings for both of us! I have a few (okay, a LOT of) goals for the new year, which I’ll be sharing with you all in the next few days. Evie and I both hope everyone had a wonderful year, a fantastic holiday season, and we wish you lots of love!

Christmas Day 2013