So, I haven’t posted in over a month, and yet a lot – so much – so, so very much – has been going on. The problem is that I don’t know how to talk about it. I don’t know where my line of self-censorship is yet.

A customer at my bookstore job died the week before Christmas, and I didn’t write about that. He was a regular, and it was spooky, even though I wasn’t there when it happened. We’ve joked about there having been a ghost in the building before, from when it was (supposedly) a hardware store called Handy Andy, where a worker (supposedly) died. We don’t so much joke about that now. I had a lot of thoughts in my head about his death: how I wished I’d talked to him more, how it made me sad how little family he had left, how crushing it would be to lose a family member the week before Christmas, and how utterly spooky it (still) is to knowingly be in the vicinity of death. I didn’t write about it out of respect for him and his remaining family, however small. It probably wouldn’t have mattered if I did, as I would have omitted his name and any identifying features. But I got over the sadness and the surreality of it, mostly, though I still refuse to walk over the spot where he passed.

Just barely over a month ago, and part of the reason I’m a lot less active here than I should be, I started dating a friend of mine. We have (apparently) liked each other since we met last year, but due to me being (stupidly) involved with someone who wasn’t worth my time, and him being somewhat of a shy guy, nothing really came of it. 2011’s ohrebecca grew a pair of lady-shaped balls and asked him on a date, and things just naturally settled into place. He is everything I could ever want in a significant other, and I’m absolutely, shockingly, ohrebeccaingly in love with him. I could use every complimentary word in the dictionary to describe him, but I will save him the public embarrassment and you the virtual barfing-in-mouth. Suffice to say that he is amazing. I haven’t written about us because a) our newfound status is still so new that I dare not jinx it, and b) I don’t know what level of anonymity or publicity he’s comfortable with. Given that this blog has basically no direction and is just an online account of whatever I think of, and that I use the occasional (read: more than occasional) swear word, and that he has one of those mythical creatures called A Real Job (two, even!), I’ve (so far) hesitated to even mention him here. I don’t want to get him in trouble! Or whatever. I guess I could, you know, actually talk to him about whether or not he wants to make any appearances in here, in the fashion of the a) silly fun things we do b) silly fun things we say or c) silly fun things that happen to us, but not any a) terribly embarrassing things he does/says b) way too personal information or c) his actual name/phone number/address/social security number/blood type/samples of his DNA. But instead I’m talking about it on the internet. Baby steps? Baby? Hi? I love you? Don’t be mad?

Right in the very beginning of our burgeoning relationship, a horrific accident involving one of my coworkers occurred at my second job. I asked for prayers and good thoughts for her on my Facebook and my Twitter accounts, and to a smaller, more intimate community, did the same and gave a few more of my thoughts/concerns on the incident. In this case especially, I have strived to keep my understanding of the occurrence as private as possible, out of respect for her and her family. It’s STILL hard for me to talk about it even intimately and privately with friends and family. A disagreement I had with a professional journalist friend of mine made me even more close-lipped about it. I never once thought about publishing anything about it on here, and am only mentioning it here in the context of it being something that has affected me and possibly kept me from writing about anything else here.

There are other big things that I do intend to write about, for my sake, that are not amusing, creative, or really interesting at all, like my finances and how utterly in the crapper they are, but those things do require some Big Thinks and Thoughts before I put them down in this form. There are other little things I intend to write about, and seeing as I have a mobile app for this site, I really should utilize it for those little, silly, goofy things, and hopefully in time I’ll learn to do that. And of course, there are (almost always) creative things I’m working on that I’d like to share, so I’m trying to figure out the best way to do all these things, on top of working my jobs, staying in school, paying my bills, spending time with the boyfriend, not completely alienating myself from my friends, eventually riding the horse when it gets warmer, cuddling the dog, and actually making artsy things.

I am working on it! Please be patient with me!